


Never Again

by Carolina30363



Category: The Voice (US) RPF, The Voice RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-06-13
Packaged: 2018-03-28 23:16:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3873562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carolina30363/pseuds/Carolina30363
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blake doesn't want to be hurt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Blake was a man with luggage, big heavy luggage; after two grueling divorces he decided not to try anymore, to stay alone and focus on his music, his tours, his friends.

Blake had promised to himself not to let anyone, anyone at all, hurt him like Miranda did and like, he had to admit, he did to Kaynette.

A not wanted divorce, a divorce you had fought with everything you've got was like being ripped apart; like being stabbed in the back by the person you trusted with your life, like being told that your home built brick by brick with love and caring was not yours anymore and that you had to live without it and without turning back.

When Miranda told him she didn't love him anymore, he felt like his heart had been ripped from his own chest; like his deepest fears had become true, like his worst nightmare had turned real.

Deep inside Blake had known that they weren't working anymore but he’d tried, he had fought to keep Miranda. He had failed.

And now, now Blake couldn't and didn't want to forget the blinding pain, the horrible sorrow he felt when he lay alone on the bed on the hotel room he booked after leaving the ranch. He wanted to remember every single gutting day he had spent alone, sitting on the floor, drinking himself stupid, with no more tears to cry, with no voice to scream.

He wanted to remember to never feel like this again. He promised to himself in the worst day of his life, when he’d even thought about killing himself, to never let anyone in anymore, not to love anymore, not to feel anymore.

Never, never again.

He healed slowly, maybe drinking too much, maybe not taking care of himself like he should have but he got on his feet again.

His music helped, his friends helped, his job helped.

Blake felt strong again, felt ready to live his life taking his own choices; ready to stay where he wanted to stay, to do what he wanted to do without being hurt again.

When he felt too alone and his right hand wasn’t enough he chose some nice and willing lady with no strings attached, with no promises that weren't about sharing his body for a night.

His music had turned darker but Blake was fine with it. His friends had accepted the new improved, more distant and cool Blake and he felt powerful, he felt alive in a twisted and different way.

Blake was sure not to give anyone the power to touch his heart, to see the real fragile, scared and wounded Blake.

But when everything seemed to be finally right for Blake, when his shields seemed to be unbreakable, Adam fucking Levine happened.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to dragon_rider.

When Blake met Adam, he felt healed and ready to live again. His resolutions not to love again were stronger than ever and his life was finally enjoyable again.

Blake loved The Voice. He loved mentoring and helping new artists and making new friends; Carson, Christina, Cee Lo, and of course, Adam.

Adam was so different from Blake. They didn't have much in common other than music but they clicked immediately. Adam didn't pry into Blake's life, didn't ask like everybody else did about his divorce that had been on every tabloid for months and months. He just smiled at Blake, drank with him and talked. A lot.

Blake loved listening to Adam, the little guy could talk for hours about anything and nothing and his sense of humor was so sharp Blake found himself laughing aloud like never before, even before Miranda.

They found time to visit each other’s places. Adam even went hunting with Blake even if he bitched all the time, refused to shoot and managed to distract Blake when he was trying to hit a deer. Blake met Maroon 5 and hanged out with the band so many times that he became part of the family.

Slowly, naturally, Adam and Blake became Shevine; the producers loved their bickering and their hugs and the public fell in love with them. The country singer felt like he had a home again for the first time in years, a new colorful family and the best friend he thought he’d found back with in Miranda.

Adam liked touching Blake and the country artist didn't mind; he liked having Adam in his arms or in his lap, he laughed when Adam kissed him on the cheek during the show and also later while they were nursing a beer sprawled on the couch in the common area.

Blake had always been a tactile guy, he used to hug and kiss his family and his friends a lot. But the new Blake, the shielded, closed-off and stronger one, that Blake tried not to let himself doing it too often to protect himself and his own feelings. 

Adam was the exception; Blake couldn't refuse a hug when the lithe guy ran to him with open arms, he couldn't turn away when the rocker stood on his tip toes to kiss Blake on the cheek. The country singer just couldn't say no to Adam.

Just like he had never been able to refuse Miranda anything.

Blake was scared after he realized this. He tried to see Adam less but the hurt in his friend’s eyes after the third refusal to share a meal with him in a row made Blake hug Adam tight and agree despite of the risk.

He tried to distance himself from Adam, but failed. Adam was always there for him; strong and supportive, smiling and affectionate.

Adam didn't seem to realize the taller man’s struggle. He just shared his days with Blake, always by his side.

Blake was terrified. Adam was becoming too important. Blake couldn’t let the younger man have too much power on him, he had promised; when he lost almost everything, he had promised to himself not to let anyone being as important as Miranda had been.

One evening while showering, Blake felt the well-known feeling at the pit of his stomach, and his cock stirred. Groaning, the country man grabbed himself and started to stroke but he just couldn't finish, all his well-used fantasies didn't seem to work. It was like something was missing; his heart was beating faster, his body was taunt in arousal but he just couldn't climax.

Defeated, Blake closed his eyes, and without realizing it, he thought about Adam's smile.

He came so hard he saw stars.

Sitting on the floor with the ice cold water running over his heard, Blake panicked. He had just come thinking about his best friend; the man that had made his life brighter, the man who could make his day better just with a text or a tweet.

Blake couldn't deny the truth anymore; he was falling for Adam. 

He had already fallen for the small, silly, sweet man with the cocky smile and huge heart. He was in love again.

Trembling, he tried to get up but fell again on his knees, crying.

"Never again," he murmured.

"Never again," he shouted, hitting the shower glass with a punch.

The glass shattered, just like Blake's so painfully built shields.

But Blake knew, lying on the floor in the mess he’d just created, that these feelings he had needed to go away. He had to stay focused on himself and build his walls again because he couldn't open himself to Adam and lose him; he couldn't try to win him and let him go.

He couldn't watch Adam leaving, he wasn’t man enough.

He was sure that losing Adam would kill him, for real.

Blake had to protect himself.

He called Carson and quitted.

Alone, in his bed, throwing the phone against the wall, he cried some more.

Alone.

Again.


	3. Chapter 3

Blake woke up slowly, his head pounding and his mouth sour.

The country singer tried to take a deep breath but his eyes, his chest his whole body were aching; his right hand was covered in dried blood and the room was a mess. Blake knew he needed to get up, clean a bit and go away, go back to his ranch where he could start again once more.

Alone, like he should be. Alone.

Blake was tired, deep bone tired and he just wanted to rest, to sleep, to forget. He felt so stupid and childish, he didn't even know if Adam reciprocated his feelings but he decided to run away; he was a coward but he couldn't risk the tiny little bit of heart he still had. He wasn’t strong enough, not anymore.

A loud knocking at his door abruptly interrupted his thoughts.

Blake didn't feel like facing anyone and, even more cowardly, didn't answer.

"I know you’re there, you idiot! Your truck is in the parking lot, open this damn door or I will kick it down, I swear Blake, I will do it!"

Adam. What the hell was he doing there? 

"Go away!" the country singer yelled, barely recognizing his voice so hoarse from the yelling and screaming of the night before.

"No way, man! Carson called me and told me you tried to quit and that you weren’t being yourself!"

"I didn't try to quit, I quit, I'm out, now go away!" Blake refused to get up.

"No you’re not, Carson told me to talk to you and I drove all night, you dummy, worried sick about you. What do you think you’re doing? You can’t let us down, man, the show, the producers, we all count on you, I count on you. Can you please open now? Talking to a door kinda sucks a lot."

Blake was so angry, so damn angry; they counted on Blake, right, but he didn't give a damn and he would show them, right now, starting with Adam.

He didn't have anything to lose. He’d already given the last bit of his heart to Adam.

He opened the door and talked calmly, looking into Adam’s stunned eyes, "I’m not coming back. I’m going home. And ya know why?"

Blake laughed, a bitter awful laugh that hurt a lot.

"I'm in love with you, okay? I won't be back, I’ll be out of your hair, you’ll never hear from me again I promise."

Adam was looking at Blake like he had just grown another head.

"What the hell are you talking about, man? You’re not making any sense! You quit because you love me. You’re going away because you love me, I won't see you again? Also 'cause you love me, I guess?"

"You don't understand. Adam, after Miranda..." 

A strong hand gripped Blake's bicep, "Don't," Adam's voice was hard like steel, a tone that Blake had never heard before in Adam's voice.

"Don't bring her into this, we’re talking about us. Us, not her."

Blake swallowed a couple of times, trying to express the pain and the fear that were twisting in his gut, "It's the same, it will be the same," he tried.

"I can't see how. I love you, Blake, I didn't tell you before because I didn't think you were ready for this, but since you’re creating this stupid plan of running away not to face your feelings here I am, in love with you and I want you to stay. And since you seem to want to talk about her, fine then; it won’t be the same because I love you."

"You what?"

"I love you," Adam was so calm, so serene. 

How could he be so calm when Blake's heart was trying to make a detour toward his mouth?

Adam loved him back.

Blake wanted to jump, to run; he felt like a thirteen year-old during his first kiss, but the country singer knew he had to stay focused, he had to protect himself.

"You think you love me.but—“ Blake frantically said.

"I'm thirty six, you stubborn son of a bitch, I think I can tell if i'm in love."

"Also Miranda used…”

Two strong hands were now gripping Blake’s bicep, and again that tone, hard and cold.

"I'm not her, ok? I don't know what happened between the two of you because I'm sure the tabloids were just full of crap, but she’s not here, she’s not part of your life anymore, Blake; I'm here, I want to be with you. I love you, Blake, and I'm not going anywhere. Maybe with you to the hospital because of your hand, but I'm here."

Blake wanted to believe in Adam's words, he really desperately wanted to, but he had been hurt too much and he was too scared, too lost.

He didn't have anything to offer; he had lost his heart, he was empty.

"For now," Blake said, slowly. 

He had made his decision, he had a brief moment of pure joy; he should be happy and proceed with his lonely, safe life.

Turning around, grabbing his keys and leaving the room was the hardest thing Blake had ever done, listening to Adam saying he was in love with him had been the best moment in Blake's life, but he couldn't savor it, he couldn't rejoice that he was loved back. He knew it was a dream, just a brief dream that he couldn't afford to enjoy.

Blake was half away toward his truck when Adam spoke again " I'd like to point out that you are barefoot, wearing pajama pants and with a bloody hand, and I’m gonna do it later several times while laughing, but can you please explain why are you going away?"

"It's better this way, believe me" Blake murmured, feeling like an idiot, but determined to go back to his ranch to lick his wounds.

"For Christ's sake, Blake! This isn’t a damn soap opera, talk to me! Explain what you’re feeling, I understand Miranda hurt you, but I'm not her!"

Clenching his fists, feeling new blood dripping for his wounded knuckles, Blake screamed.

"But you will leave me! Just like her, and you'll kill me! I can't do it again! You will go away and I…I…"

Two strong arms enveloped Blake and a soothing voice said to his neck, "I can't promise everything will be perfect, I can't swear we’ll be together forever, but I can promise you right now that I will be your friend forever. I swear that even if one day we decide we’re not working as a couple anymore, and I can't see how, big boy, because I love you so much I'm trembling right now, I will stay because I love you and I will care about you forever.”

“I love you Blake, like a friend, now and every day of my life, like a lover, hopefully very soon because you’re a smoking hot man, and like a husband, one day."

Blake slowly hugged Adam back and cried loudly.

He felt every single brick of the walls around his heart falling, he felt free and whole again.

Blake cried and cried but finally, he wept with joy.

"Husband?" 

"One day, baby, one day if you play your cards well.”

Blake hugged Adam tighter, smiling.

Even lost in the hug, the country singer was still scared and he knew they would have to work hard to build a healthy relationship, but right now, in Adam's arms, he felt cared and loved and he wanted to stay there forever.

"I don't really want to ruin this romantic moment, man, but you’re bleeding all over my shirt and I think you need stitches and a pair of boots too, just saying."

And Blake laughed, a deep belly laugh.


End file.
